For most of my life, I looked forward to being a mom. I was the oldest of 6 kids, and even though I was Mommy's little helper, I didn't really understand all that went into Motherhood. We struggled to have kids. It took us 6 years to have our miracle baby. The subsequent years have been the most fulfilling of my life. I love motherhood! I know this is the one job where nobody else can replace me, and I love watching my son learn and grow.
With this in mind, I was thrilled to hear that BYU's Wheatley Institute and the Institute for Family Studies (IFS) have published a study that reinforces what I knew about motherhood. Married mothers are the happiest and most fulfilled women in the world.
Previously, there have been studies saying single and childless women were the happiest, but that is just ridiculous. Despite motherhood being exhausting, nothing comes close to this level of fulfillment. Having been on both sides of the issue, I know from experience.
The study, titled "In Pursuit: Marriage, Motherhood, and Women's Well-Being," offers compelling findings that challenge popular narratives around women's happiness, marriage, and motherhood. Did you know that even though there are days when you just want to be alone for 5 minutes, the physical contact and attention of small children is good for your happiness levels?
"At a time when marriage and fertility rates have reached record lows in the United States, our study challenges prominent cultural narratives by revealing that marriage and motherhood provide deep emotional and social benefits," said Jean Twenge, Professor of Psychology at San Diego State University and co-author of the study. "Pop culture portrayals, online forums, and media headlines declaring single women without children are happier than married mothers are simply not true."
The study found that married mothers are the happiest group of women, outpacing single women, married women without children, and unmarried mothers in nearly every measure of well-being. According to the survey of 3,000 women aged 25 to 55 in the United States, nearly twice as many married mothers reported being "very happy" compared to single, childless women.
The married mothers were also more likely to say that life feels enjoyable most or all of the time. All of the analyses in the report controlled for age, family income, and education, so these factors cannot be the reason for the noted differences.
The study focused on measuring 4 different areas: Happiness, Meaning, Loneliness, and Physical Touch. In the Happiness category, nearly twice as many married mothers report being "very happy" compared to single, childless women.
I remember when my son was a baby, he needed a lot of attention. But babies are so sweet, and there is such fulfillment in your efforts when you can meet the needs of another so directly. My greatest happiness stems directly from motherhood.
The second focus of the study was finding meaning in life. Married mothers are more likely to say their lives feel meaningful most or all the time (47% vs. 33%). The study also found that motherhood provides women with a deepened sense of meaning and purpose in life, with nearly half of married mothers stating their lives felt meaningful most or all the time, compared to only one-third of single, childless women. When women were asked if what they do in life is valuable and fulfilling, married mothers were more likely to strongly agree.
Motherhood is undoubtedly divine. God decides when your children come into the world, and He has specifically assigned you to be their mother. There is something deeply meaningful in that. When you know that nobody else can do this job like you can, and when you have those moments when you connect deeply with your child, there is nothing like it in the world.
The study also found that married women are about half as likely to experience frequent loneliness as unmarried women. Notably, only 11% of married mothers and 9% of married women without children reported feeling lonely most or all the time. This is a stark difference compared to 23% of unmarried mothers and 20% of single, childless women who reported frequent loneliness.
These findings counter preceding research that has suggested marriage leads to reduced social engagement and creates social isolation; in fact, marriage and motherhood appear to foster deeper social connections for many women, with married women reporting satisfaction with their friendships and involvement in community life comparable to or greater than other women.
"While getting married and having children may mean less time hanging out with friends, marriage and children are also associated with other kinds of social engagement, including volunteer work, church attendance, and community connections," said Jenet Erickson, a Fellow at the Wheatley Institute and co-author of the study. "In fact, in our study, married mothers are just as likely to say they feel satisfied with their number of friends as other women."
In fact, I have met people through my experiences as a mother that I would never have met any other way. The parents of my son's friends became my friends. Those friendships have changed my life, and they are some of my best friends.
Another major insight from the study is the importance of meaningful physical touch in women's emotional well-being. Nearly half of married women -- with and without children -- reported receiving regular physical affection as compared to only 13% of single, childless women. Research links physical touch to lower stress, increased emotional resilience, and higher overall happiness. Women who reported higher levels of physical touch were three times more likely to describe themselves as "very happy."
"This is the first study to focus on touch, family, and women's happiness," said Brad Wilcox, senior fellow at IFS, adding, "and we find that not only do married women report significantly higher levels of physical touch, but also that their experience of physical affection seems to help explain why they are happier. Regular real-world touch may matter more in a world where we spend too much time in the virtual world."
The report concludes that despite the challenges associated with family life for women -- including more stress and less time for oneself -- there is no question that marriage and motherhood are linked to greater female flourishing on many other fronts.
"Women are often told that staying single and child-free leads to the happiest and most fulfilling life, but our findings paint a complex yet hopeful picture of the benefits of marriage and motherhood in women's lives," said Wendy Wang, Director of Research at the Institute for Family Studies. "While marriage and motherhood are certainly challenging, our research makes it clear that married mothers are thriving in ways that challenge current stereotypes about family life."
Jason Carroll, the Family Initiative Director at the Wheatley Institute, concluded:
"Marriage appears to offer a stabilizing and supportive context that lifts the burdens of motherhood, while strengthening happiness, connection, and meaning, That reality should invite our best efforts, both culturally and politically, to support and strengthen single mothers even as we also work to increase the likelihood and quality of marriages since the opportunities for greater touch, less loneliness, and more meaning provide married mothers the most joyful lives."
When my son was small, he couldn't sit near me without sitting on me or at least touching me. As one who rarely seeks out physical touch, it was a major change for me. I found the constant contact to be very bonding. I discerned his level of comfort by touch. Emotions transfer through touch, and sometimes a small child cannot verbalize their needs. But a touch says so much. I still laugh at the times when he came into our room in the middle of the night, seeking comfort. I could tell the moment he went from stressed to comfortable, because he stopped clinging to me and instead took over the entire bed, displacing my husband and me.
I'm so grateful that BYU's Wheatley Institute and IFS did this study. I feel it's groundbreaking to be able to disprove the Adversary's lies scientifically. Satan seeks to destroy the family. And if he can do it by preventing the family from forming, by deceiving women and telling them they are better off alone, then his job is easier.
I stand confidently and assure you that the greatest fulfillment and happiness are found within a happy marriage, as a mother. I worked for many years to have the privilege of joining this select group of women. We endured 5 years of fertility treatments, and when God gave us our miracle, I never looked back.