Responding to your child with, "Because I said so" might feel final, but is it effective long-term?
One-liners are often used in comedy to deliver a zinger. But they have a whole different use in the parenting world. Parenting one-liners, which are essentially clear, concise, and memorable comments designed to communicate an idea, prove short and sweet repetition really can work when trying to get buy-in from a child.
One mother, Nicole, a former elementary teacher with three kids of her own, opened up a useful discussion about parenting one-liners via a recent TikTok video she posted under the username @raisingkindkids.
The video has more than 8.3K comments, many with parents sharing their go-to's. The video was inspired by another mother, who said her favorite parenting one-liner is, "You can be mad, but you can't be mean." Nicole also uses the quick sentence.
"One-liners make things so much easier, and more importantly, they work because our kids know what they mean," Nicole says. "When we say things over and over again, it can feel like, 'Oh my gosh, why do I have to keep repeating myself?'"
Mental health experts see value in using one-liners as a parenting strategy for kids of all ages and stages.
"Using clear and concise language effectively communicates to the child what you want them to do in a way that is short and straight to the point, leaving no room for misinterpretation," says Alisha Simpson-Watt, LCSW, BCBA, the founder of Collaborative ABA Services, LLC.
Sound too easy to be true? Experts discussed one-liners and why they can (seriously) make parenting just a little bit easier.
Nicole and other parents in the comments shared some of their favorite one-liners. Some of Nicole's one-liners include:
Other parents also shared their favorites. Top comments included:
Kathryn "Nin" Emery, LPC, a former teacher and school counselor who now practices with Thriveworks, usually speaks with parents and kids about three different brain states people experience from time to time:
It's hard for kids and parents to regulate in emotional or survival states. That's where one-liners, developed while in the (calmer) executive state, come in handy.
"The scripts previously formed while in the executive state can give us as adults the time and easy word choices to stay supportive while we navigate our own inner world and calm it down so we can co-regulate with our children," Emery says. "Done right, it allows their brain to run down neural pathways of problem-solving and self-soothing that are healthy, and through repetition, they are strengthened over time."
The repetition and short phrases are also a tactic used in children's programming and books. "Repetition builds fluency, and fluency promotes learning," Simpson-Watt says.
However, kids of all ages, from toddlers to tweens, can benefit from one-liners.
"One-liners can be effective across various age groups, though the reasoning for their impact differs," says Dakari Quimby, PhD, a clinical psychologist for HelpGuide Handbook. "Toddlers, for example, like how simple one-liners can be, and it's beneficial for their developing language skills, providing them with straightforward cues about right and wrong. Teenagers, on the other hand, might appreciate a quick, sharp one-liner that cuts through more complex dialogue, which they might otherwise tune out."
"The spirit of the one-liners is great and has a ton of great uses, but there will be times when your kids will ask for more, which is healthy and should be expected," says Jamie Buzzelle, a parenting coach.
Sometimes, even the "asked and answered" one-liner may not be sufficient for a child. Some of Buzzelle's favorite (and still concise) ways to respond to deeply curious and thinking kids are:
Both Simpson-Watt and Emery urge parents to consider the child's age, development, and cognitive functioning.
"Toddlers benefit from positive action language kept simple and short as they don't understand the concept of 'negatives," Emery says.
One example Emery uses is, "Cats are for touching gently" vs. "Don't hit the cat."
"In the latter, toddlers mostly hear and process 'hit the cat' and struggle to then use their underdeveloped brains to problem-solve what they should do instead," Emery adds.
According to Emery, older children's experience with one-liners can be synonymous with their inner voice.
"Older children are going to be able to take those words you chose to repeat as a parent and play them in their own minds to guide themselves," Emery says.
Some phrases to try include:
But Emery also advises parents against pulling out a few traditional power one-liners like, "Because I said so."
"We want to keep mutual respect, care, and safety, and the security of the parent-child relationship at the forefront," Emery says.