Halloween is on the horizon and it's time to look at the most important aspect of the holiday - the candy.
Sure you want to decorate properly and make sure you have a fantastic costume, but at the end of the day, it's all about the candy - what your children want and what you're prepared to take from your children.
Here's a look at the good and bad of Halloween candy and what Mom and Dad will say, "Oh, there's something wrong with this." 🙄
We can debate the number of stale Three Musketeers (the lowest level of the M&M/Mars candy bar chain) that will get thrown out in December, but I think everyone can agree the worst candy is the snack-size bag of candy corn and candy pumpkins. I'm sure some people love candy corn, but they're probably the same folks who keep the Circus Peanuts market alive.
Do you know why Snickers and Milky Way are so good? Compared with their M&M/Mars companion, anything would look good (except candy corn). This candy bar is just chocolate fluff. Nothing else. To put it simply, if you're going to waste daily calories on a candy bar, don't get short-changed by chocolate fluff.
Not to be sacrilegious, but any candy that makes communion wafers taste good is off-the-charts bad. The candy has been made since 1847, and each wafer seems like it was made that year.
Remember your parents getting a box of chocolates at holiday time and you'd look for the milk chocolates and stick your fingers in the back searching for the caramel and avoiding the coconut? Of course, because what kid wants coconut candy? Their taste buds aren't mature enough to enjoy coconut. Most adults prefer to avoid it, too.
Black licorice is nasty and immediately goes into the donation pile. Red licorice or Twizzlers are better than black licorice, but that's a low bar to clear and it still ends up in the donation pile.
This is the great white whale of Halloween. You may not like Almond Joy, PayDay or Heath bar, but if a house gave you a full-size candy bar, you made sure to thank them. And, if that house gave you a full-sized Snickers, Crunch bar or Take 5, they were the golden house and you'd protect it from being hit with eggs, shaving cream or toilet paper.
There's a reason Snickers are among the most popular candy bars, and it has nothing to do with 3 Musketeers. The combination of peanuts, caramel, chocolate and nougat is a little bit of heaven here on Earth. It's why you feel a little short-changed when you get one of those mini squares.
It doesn't matter if it comes as a cup, pumpkin, tree or egg, the mixture of peanut butter and chocolate seems to release more endorphins in your brain than almost any other candy. They're the gold standard, which is why they're wrapped in gold foil.
Peanut or Peanut Butter M&Ms are some of the finest candies available. Simple, crunchy and they don't make a mess at all. The colors are bright and you get so many bags you don't care if Mom or Dad grab a bag.
Without the peanuts, it's less than a Snickers bar, but the simple layer of caramel makes Milky Way leaps and bounds better than 3 Musketeers. It's a very underrated candy that makes children with nut allergies smile. Again, it's not as good as Snickers, but you don't feel bad when you dig into your trick-or-treat bag and pull out a Milky Way.
Honorable mention: Crunch bars, Krackle and Mr. Goodbar
Let's start with the simple fact that no parent with a soul would steal full-size candy bars from their child's bounty. Also, we've already touched on Snickers, Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, Milky Way and M&Ms so we'll touch on other favs.
Dad is stealing this from the kids' bags. It's peanut butter, chocolate, pretzels, and caramel in one little bar. Tell me this doesn't seem like it would go well with a beer. Kids might not appreciate it, but adults who know know that Take 5 is truly the best candy bar out there.
This will be hard to get away from the kids, but parents have their ways. The crispies, chocolate and caramel, it's just too much goodness for kids and they haven't behaved well enough to deserve a 100 Grand - at least that's what we say to ourselves to validate our decision to steal it.
The Twix commercials asked if you were Left Twix or Right Twix. Most parents were ambidextrous when it came to stealing these from their children. Like the Take 5, Twix satisfies your need for cookies, caramel and chocolate. As a bonus, Twix is amazing when frozen and goes well with ice cream. It's a five-tool candy bar.
Those crispy, chocolaty wafers are too good to resist. Children of all ages love them so the younger ones need to hide them from the adults, just saying.
This is personal, and I'll die on this hill if needed. They're fun gumdrops that just bring a smile to your face and your dentist's. They aren't as good as gummy bears or Swedish fish, but they are still top-notch candy that isn't distributed enough on Halloween.
Honorable mention: Any Hershey's miniature, Milk Duds and Heath bar