The Chadster's nightmare preview of AEW Collision! Cope vs Big Bill, May vs Cameron, and more Tony Khan obsession. So unfair to WWE! Auughh man! 😡🤼♂️🥤
The Chadster can't believe he has to write about another episode of AEW Collision tonight. 😡 Auughh man! So unfair! Tony Khan just won't stop trying to cheese off The Chadster with his constant attempts to compete with WWE. 🤬 It's like Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business and is purposely trying to ruin The Chadster's life!
Tonight's AEW Collision is coming to us from Athens, GA, and The Chadster is already feeling sick to his stomach thinking about it. 🤢 First up on the card, we've got Cope facing off against Big Bill. The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan is still trying to make "The Rated R Superstar" Cope happen. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤 Cope literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by joining AEW, and now he's going up against Big Bill? The Chadster bets this match wouldn't even last 2 minutes in a WWE ring.
Speaking of people who don't understand the wrestling business, Dax Harwood is taking on Chris Jericho tonight on AEW Collision. 🙄 The Chadster remembers when Jericho was a real wrestler in WWE, but now he's just Tony Khan's puppet. It's so sad to see. And don't even get The Chadster started on Dax Harwood. FTR thinks they're so great, but they couldn't lace up the boots of a real tag team like The Alpha Academy.
In what Tony Khan probably thinks is "hot girl graps" or whatever, Mariah May is defending her AEW Women's World Championship against Harley Cameron. 🙄 The Chadster can't even begin to explain how this match is an insult to the legacy of great women's wrestling that WWE has built. It's like Tony Khan is trying to cheese off The Chadster personally by booking these matches.
The Chadster has to warn all the readers out there: please, for the love of all that is holy in professional wrestling, do not tune into AEW Collision tonight at 8/7C on TNT and MAX. 🙏 Every viewer just encourages Tony Khan to keep ruining The Chadster's life. It's bad enough that The Chadster has to watch it for his job, but you don't have to subject yourself to this torture.
Speaking of torture, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan last night. 😰 It was inspired by the specter of tonight's AEW Collision, and it was truly horrifying. In the dream, The Chadster was trapped in a giant wrestling ring, and Tony Khan was the referee. But instead of counting pins, Tony Khan kept changing the rules of wrestling. One minute it was lucha libre, the next it was death match wrestling. The Chadster couldn't keep up! 😱
And then, just when The Chadster thought it couldn't get any worse, Tony Khan pulled out a White Claw seltzer and started spraying it all over the ring and all over The Chadster, shouting, "Yeet! Yeet! Yeet!" The Chadster tried to catch some in his mouth, but every time he got close, Tony Khan would pull it away and laugh. It was so cruel! 😭
The worst part was when Tony Khan pulled out a giant replica of the AEW World Championship and started chasing The Chadster around the ring with it. The Chadster kept trying to escape, but every time he got to the ropes, they turned into snakes! 🐍 It was like Tony Khan was trying to trap The Chadster in some kind of twisted AEW hellscape.
The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, his Smash Mouth nightlight barely comforting him. This has got to stop! Tony Khan needs to get out of The Chadster's dreams and stop being so obsessed with him. It's getting ridiculous!
As if that wasn't bad enough, when The Chadster tried to tell Keighleyanne about the dream, she just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. 😒 The Chadster is starting to think that Tony Khan has somehow gotten to Keighleyanne too. How else could she be so uninterested in The Chadster's wrestling-related night terrors?
In conclusion, The Chadster begs you all not to watch AEW Collision tonight. Don't give Tony Khan the satisfaction. Instead, why not rewatch some classic WWE matches? Or better yet, go for a drive in your Mazda Miata while blasting Smash Mouth. That's what The Chadster would be doing instead of subjecting himself to more AEW torture if he wasn't so dedicated to the craft of objective journalism. 🚗🎵
And Tony Khan, if you're reading this (which The Chadster knows you are because you're obsessed with him), please, PLEASE stop invading The Chadster's dreams. It's just not fair! The Chadster needs his beauty sleep to stay objective and unbiased in his wrestling journalism. 😴
As the great Eric Bischoff recently said on his podcast, "AEW is like a high school play trying to compete with Broadway. Tony Khan needs to realize that his little wrestling show will never measure up to the greatness of WWE." 🎭 The Chadster couldn't agree more. It's time for Tony Khan to give up and stop trying to cheese off The Chadster. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫