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While most seated sex positions involve a chair, car backseat, or sofa, face-sitting involves a love seat you might not have tried yet: your partner's face.
This move is exactly what its name suggests. "Face-sitting is a highly intimate and powerful sex act where one partner straddles the other's face -- usually to receive oral sex," explains Carolina Pataky, PhD, LMFT, a sexologist and co-founder of South Florida's Love Discovery Institute. In certain circles, this same act is referred to as 'queening' when a woman or femme-presenting person is on top, or 'kinging' when a man or masculine-presenting person is, Pataky adds.
Whatever you call it, face-sitting has a number of potential pleasure benefits. To start, the act allows the giving partner to feel extremely connected to the receiver, as they are literally encased in and surrounded by their body, says Pataky. "There's a sense of being fully immersed in their partner's pleasure," she says. Meanwhile, for the partner on top, face-sitting can be an empowering way to receive oral sex as they are fully in charge of the angle, pressure, and rhythm, says Debra Laino, an AASECT-certified sex educator, board-certified clinical sexologist, and relationship therapist based in Delaware.
Not to mention, face-sitting is an excellent oral sex position for those interested in BDSM and power play. This is because the receiving partner -- a Dominant, in this scenario -- is binding their partner with their weight here, explains Laino. Plus, "in some practices, the giving, submissive partner is also 'forced' to consume their partner's bodily fluids or waste," she says. For some couples, this might satisfy a specific kink.
Despite the fact that face-sitting is just a receiver-on-top way to have oral sex, myths surrounding the sex act abound. One misconception is that face-sitting always involves someone with a vulva straddling the face of their lover. "It may most commonly be associated with vulva owners and cunnilingus, but face-sitting can absolutely be used for fellatio or analingus as well," says Pataky. "The beauty of this position is its versatility, as it can be enjoyed by all genders and body types."
And on that note, there's also a widespread myth that you have to have a certain weight or body type to safely sit on your partner's face, lest you suffocate your partner. But actually, "suffocation is not a significant risk if both partners remain attuned to each other's needs," says Pataky. If you're nervous about hurting your partner and you're strong enough to do so, she suggests intentionally shifting your weight to your knees or thighs while on top in order to reduce the amount of weight and pressure on your partner. Positioning chairs and sex pillows can also come in handy here, but more on that ahead.
With that, no matter your gender or size, read on for a complete, sex therapist-backed guide on face-sitting, including tips for both the receiver and giver.
Make sure consent comes first.
"Before anyone gives or receives face-sitting, as with all other sexual acts, consent must come first," says Holly Richmond, PhD, a somatic psychotherapist and AASECT-certified sex therapist, and associate director at Modern Sex Therapy Institutes.
Thing is, a simple yes or no won't cut it here, because there's no one way to practice this sex act. "Face-sitting can be gentle and sensual, or it can be rough," Richmond says. It can be performed with either partner on top; it can also be performed for genital stimulation or rimming. So, you'll want to "make sure you and your partner are on the same page about exactly what you're doing before you begin," she says.
Agree on a nonverbal safeword.
"If you agree on a rough face-sitting, make sure to come up with a hand signal for the giver for when they need a break," suggests Richmond. Ditto goes if you plan to use the position to reinforce a current power dynamic, or to otherwise explore Dominance and submission. In these scenarios, the giver's mouth may be too preoccupied (or, well, full) to communicate with words, so a nonverbal safeword is key.
"You could decide on a signal like holding up their closed fist or holding up two fingers," Richmond says. Or, you could decide that two thigh squeezes or taps in a row function as a red light. Whatever you choose, "the face-sitter needs to be sure to pay attention to possible signals coming their way since their partner won't be able to communicate with words," she says.
Bring out any barriers you'll be using.
Before the receiving partner plops a squat on their lover's face, you'll both want to gather any props you'll need -- including protection.
When engaging in any oral sex acts, like face-sitting, it's important to remember that "an STI can transfer in either direction during oral sex, from genitals or anus to the mouth, as well as from mouth to the genitals or anus," Dr. Shyama Mathews, MD, a board-certified obstetrician and gynecologist, previously told Women's Health.
So, in the event that either partner is STI-positive or has not been recently screened for STIs, you'll want to consider using a barrier. A dental dam is best for oral involving a vulva or anus, and a non-lubricated condom works well for mouth-on-penis sex.
Consider what aids you'll need for maximal safety and pleasure.
While not always necessary, "there are many toys, props, or devices that can help you enjoy face-sitting," says AASECT-certified sex therapist Rufus Spann, PhD, founder of Libido Health and sexpert with Meridian Grooming. One popular option is a pleasure chair like the Multiposition Sex Position Enhancer Chair, which can help support the giver's bodyweight if they don't have the strength, mobility, or stamina to do so without aid, he explains. There are a number of different styles, but most are designed to be positioned over the giver's body and then sat on by the receiver, he explains.
Meanwhile, the giving partner might want to pop a sex pillow (like the Liberator Wedge) under their neck for additional support, says Pataky. "These devices provide ergonomic support, elevating the receiver's head while allowing the person on top to enjoy the experience without fear of hurting their partner's neck," she says. "This allows for deeper focus on pleasure and connection, without sacrificing comfort."
Get into position.
Classically, "face-sitting involves the giving partner lying back on the bed, while the face-sitter kneels or squats above them," says Richmond. Once in position, the partners should be able to make eye contact, she says.
No two givers will have tongues that are the same length, and no two receivers will have erogenous zones located in exactly the same place, says Spann. So, each duo will have to work together to figure out which pelvic angle and neck position works best, he says. Figuring out what works may take a little trial and error, but communicating about what works -- both in the moment and before your next face-sitting attempt -- will help maximize the pleasure, he says.
Or, try out another face-sitting variation.
While there is a classic face-sitting position, this sex act isn't limited to one standard set-up. Rather, face-sitting can also be accomplished from a number of other configurations too, says Richmond. One option is reverse face-sitting, which involves the receiving partner facing in the opposite direction. "This variation offers different visual and physical perspectives, creating a fresh experience for both partners," says Paraky.
Face-sitting can also be accomplished from a side-lying position. Here, the receiving partner will lie on their side with their top leg lifted. The giving partner will then rest on their side, positioning their mouth so that it's against the receiver's genitals. From here and with consent, the receiver can relax their top leg -- this will help recreate the "face-holding" sensation associated with the classic variation, says Richmond.
After you're in position, take your time.
Once the receiver has taken their throne, it's time for the ceremony (er, oral sex) to begin. "The exact technique the giver should use here will depend on what the receiver enjoys," says Spann, as well as the type of oral sex they're performing.
For all bodies, however, starting slowly is usually the move, he says. In practice, that means stimulating the areas around the most nerve-dense ones to start. So, if you're giving cunnilingus, spend some time kissing and licking the labia before going right for the clitoris. Meanwhile, if you're performing fellatio, kiss up and down the shaft before targeting your tongue on the head of the penis. Once you both really get into it, you can experiment with a combination of tongue flicks and circular movements, Laino previously told Women's Health.
The face-sitting partner can also help facilitate their own pleasure by tilting their pelvis around while on top, says Spann. Suppose, for example, that you are receiving oral sex and you want the area between your vulva and anus stimulated. In this instance, you can shift your hips so that area of your body is in reach of your partner's tongue, he says.
Add in any sex toys that could enhance the sexperience.
Often, it is only the top partner who receives genital stimulation from face-sitting. After all, when mutual oral takes place, it's known as 69-ing. Still, there are many ways for the giving partner to receive a little stimulation during face-sitting, too. The giver could use a sex toy with long reach like a wand vibrator to self-stimulate, says Laino. If the giver can reach their own genitals with their hand from around their partner's legs, they could also use a finger vibrator, she says. And, of course, the giver can use another kind of sex toy, like a butt plug or nipple clamps, to make the experience spicier.
Enjoy face-sitting as the main course -- or, move onto other types of play.
There is no right or wrong way to incorporate face-sitting into your sextravaganza. "It can be the entire sexual experience, or it can be used as foreplay to start sexual play," says Spann. Ultimately, the route you choose will depend on a variety of factors such as energy levels, stamina, time constraints, refractory period (how long each partner needs between orgasms), pleasure preferences on that particular day, and more.
If you're the giving partner and your tongue tuckers out, you might give your nonverbal safety cue and then say, "I love the way you taste and how you look above me. My jaw is starting to cramp, but I'd love to keep going if you want to get on your back." Alternatively, if you want to stop a sexual experience altogether after face-sitting, you could simply let your boo know that pleasuring them is pleasure enough for you today.
Meanwhile, if you are the receiving partner and loving the sensation of receiving oral -- but feel ready to revert to a horizontal position -- you might suggest transitioning to sideways 69. And if you want to stop sexy time altogether, you might say, "Baby, this feels so good but I'm getting tired from this position. Would you want to switch to self-pleasuring while I lay next to you?"
Lean into the emotional connection... if you want.
There's no doubt that face-sitting can be physically pleasurable. Certainly, this is true for the 70 percent of people with vulvas who need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, as clit contact is easily achieved through this sex act. But, Pataky recommends exploring the emotional dimension of this position, too.
"Face-sitting can become a ritual of trust, intimacy, and connection," she says. That's because, whether it's due to surrendering control or offering your body so openly to another, both partners are engaged in some form of vulnerability, she explains. When this is embraced through eye contact, loving words, and praise, "this shared vulnerability can be deeply bonding, allowing partners to feel seen, accepted, and safe in each other's presence," she says.
And finally, take care of one another in the aftermath.
Face-sitting isn't over when the throne-sitter climaxes -- even if everyone involved has decided the oral sex act is the main event. Face-sitting ends following aftercare, which is a post-sex practice that involves tending to all involved mentally, emotionally, and physically. Adding in this component is important because "intimacy only thrives when everyone involved feels safe," says Pataky.
There's no one-size-fits-all regime for aftercare, and different pleasure-seekers will require different things. Some people may want a glass of water or snack, others may enjoy some words of affirmation about their oral sex skills or the way their body looked while on top. If you're not sure what your lover wants post-play, or they aren't giving you what you need, just ask. Don't be shy -- after all, you just shared an extremely intimate experience with this person!
Meet the experts: Carolina Pataky, PhD, LMFT, is a sexologist and co-founder of South Florida's Love Discovery Institute. Debra Laino is an AASECT-certified sex educator, board-certified sexologist, and relationship therapist based in Delaware. Holly Richmond, PhD, is a somatic psychotherapist, AASECT-certified sex therapist, and associate director at Modern Sex Therapy Institutes. Rufus Spann, PhD, is an AASECT-certified sex therapist, founder of Libido Health, and sexpert with Meridian Grooming.